“Here we go again”, go on admit it you are all saying it. And I admit I have been here before telling you how I was going to diet, exercise and shift this weight. ANd where are we now? Yep, I’m heavier than when I started last time.
Today I went to see my GP, and I asked him for a referral for baryatric surgery. He put me on his scales (straight off scale) but fortunately I had weighed myself on those scales that do the whole weight, height and BMI thing and give you a printout. My BMI is 43.7 and while he is was not certain the hospital will consider hypertension to be a danger factor he has referred me. He threw the whole “this is not a magic cure for being overweight” at me but as I am currently supporting my partner through the same process (her surgery is on March 18th) and have been to all of her hospital sessions with her I am aware of the whole process, it’s risks and it’s rewards. I have just checked and it seems that the current guidelines are anything over 40 BMI or 35-40 with a weight related condition are the acceptance criteria so I have high hopes.
There are several factors that have triggered this decision, which I am not overly happy with as it is invasive and is a way of enforcing a reduction in food intake(I am aware of the failure modes here), and oddly most of them are not about me except indirectly.
- I once considered suicide, but found I couldn’t do so without my family knowing why I found life so unbearable. And then I put the same family through a different hell while they tried to find a way to accept me. And now I was slowly killing myself again while they watched me eat myself into the grave. Time to stop being so cruel to those who love me.
- I am a carer to my partner, she needs me to help and support her. And here I am making myself incapable of offering the assistance she needs.
- I used to love getting out for long walks, I once planned to take a minimum 6 mile walk in each county of mainland Britain. I did get a few done including 12 miles that took in Oxfordshire and Berkshire. And then I was finding it too tiring. Right now even last years 5k walk is probably too far to do easily.
- I am finding so many things hard to do now, I’m avoiding stairs wherever possible, getting ready for work in a morning is tiring, and I’ve been getting some shortness of breath and pains in my chest (the GP is not concerned because they are non-specific on location and are not bought on by exercise. Though he has booked an ECG for me.
And my girls clubbed together at Christmas and bought me a Fitbit which doesn’t get the use it should because of my fitness problems.
Put all of the above together and you see all of the powerful factors that I would need to get me off this fat backside and doing something about it. And adding in the extra impetus of a surgical intervention around summer 2017 I should be able to do it.
Hmm, should, would, lets add could in there too.
I should do it but…
I would do it but…
I could do it but…
Sounds like I’m setting myself up to fail before I start, and the GP did notice that and try offering inspiration and sage advice…But he a younger, slim and fit, he runs marathons for fun! I am a person who sees the gym as one of the circles of hell, the local regular Park Run as evil torture. Fun is curling up with a good book, it is taking a walk through interesting scenery taking in the beauty of the world. How can these two diverse worlds ever meet?
So, I’m going to take the slow road, I’m looking into mindful eating and the 8 types of hunger(used to be 7 and I think there are at least 9), smaller portions and as health permits adding hills into my currently short walks. And while I now have this potential promise of an operation in the future to add a tool to my weight loss toolkit, if I can get a habit going I might, just might be able to do it without.
For those who are still on the whole “I’ve heard this before” thing, this isn’t becoming a diet blog that hobbles along for a while and fades again like last time. Sure, I’m going to bore you at times with this (not a diet) and I’m going to bore you with aspiring author stuff, and probably a whole load of other boring crap too. But please do continue to read and follow me, comment sometimes to encourage me because putting down thoughts does help me.
And just to warn you all…Normal service is unlikely to be resumed any time soon. But who the hell wants normal anyway?